Happy(-ish) New Year

At the risk of becoming overly (and annoyingly) introspective, here's my New Year's update.

Here's the thing about holidays when you are single...they suck.

(Yeah, you thought I was going to share some earth-shattering observation, didn't you?)

I think it's safe to say that various days will make you examine your life and where it is going a little more than regular, just-rollin-along days, and today is probably the biggest, or at least most wide-spread of those days.  (Followed closely by your high school reunion, a funeral, a job change...and all of those other lovely things.)

I'm a big believer in setting goals for myself continually, not necessarily just at the New Year.  I think most successful people would tell you that they make that a habit. Those goals are personal, professional, relational, and spiritual in nature.  I don't have any specific method or number; I try not to put too many boundaries on it and instead just focus on things that I would like to do better or change.

This brings me back to the New Year, and single-ness. 

Of course, there are the personal goals of being a more intentional friend, or growing as a dentist.  Those are pretty dependent on me and my own actions.  Then, there are the hopes and dreams that don't fit into a particular box, because they involve someone else, and that is harder to control.  You can't just walk down the street and pick up some guy and expect to have a life with them (trust me, I've tried). Think about your professional life - do you pursue a job in another city and uproot your life again?  Do you spend more time at work to grow there or try to spend more time in the community meeting people? Even so-called simple things like vacations become an act of congress - Where and when will I go? Do I hold out hope that I'll be vacationing with someone else?  

It seems silly, and I know all of my married friends are saying "yes, I want to go on vacation by myself! I want to do whatever I want! I want to leave this h*ll-hole of a town that he dragged me to!"

I know the grass is always greener, as the old saying goes.

I think a big part of growing up and becoming an adult, though, is realizing that the world doesn't revolve around me, which in turn makes me want to invest in someone else.

So therefore a lot of times I feel stuck.  Waiting. Wishing. Hoping. Waiting on the circumstances, the situation to change.  And it's a big ol' crapper.

I am very lucky that contented-ness comes easily to me.  Until days like this, when you are forced to examine whether or not life is really where or what you want. Anywho, what a Debbie Downer post today!

Now, what you really stopped by for:

Today's Updates

George and I had a fabulous time last night!  I mean, I made it home with only one earring and a miniature bottle of champagne.  That's a good time, right? And yes, I got my NYE kiss. (first ever, might I add. So sad.) Alas, we all know George's fatal flaw is lack of commitment, so I texted him today and let him know that I'd like to talk and know where he stands when he gets back into town. (He's off on a hunting trip until Sunday.) Of course, I'm always hopeful that George and I will end up together, but that big knot in my stomach makes me think that is probably not going to happen.

The Professor and I have still been texting pretty consistently.  He was pushing to make another date, so I had to be honest with him about being in limbo with George.  He was very understanding, and it didn't seem to phase him!  (One thing I've learned reaffirmed about myself is that I am NOT a good multitasker!) 

In my moments of emotional purging today, I cancelled the date with Lance.  I mean, let's be honest, I do not want to play second fiddle to his bike.  (Yes, he actually asked me if that would bother me.  Did I mention that?) I don't want to be second to anyone (Cue Beyonce tunes.  All of it.  Right now.)

HogFan#1 is slow to come off the block.  He messages very basic questions.  One a day. Yeesh.  Am I that intimating?  I won't bite. Let's be honest, when you're on a dating site, the implication is you want a relationship.  Not an e-mail buddy.  And judging by the rate he's going, it will take 3.5 years for him to ask for my number.

So suddenly, strangely, my calendar is empty.  Holding out hope for George.  Say a little prayer if you're the praying kind.